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Friday, December 4th, 2009
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10:47 am
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feeling old today
hate that
in some ways am proud of it
Substance - my current social circle, especially work sphere is nearly devoid of it.
Since when did NOT getting drunk every weekend become unusual and boring?
And how did discussions about world events, philosophy, and abstract type things become passé?
I need some new people. :/
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| Thursday, November 26th, 2009
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2:02 pm - for this day
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I give thanks for changes that promise a shift toward positive potential.
Again I spend this holiday alone reflecting on the good.
I am happily drunk on a single, albeit large, glass of wine.
Family happenings will commence this weekend as I have chosen to skip the resort experience yet again.
For now I am joyful and loving the time spent slaving in the kitchen for good eats when not pounding away at the new Dragon Age VG - and damned do I cheat!
Such is love, though I'm having trouble getting past the perception that Zevran is Pepe Le Pew in disguise. ~chortles~
good times
P.S. I guiltily confess to a recent closet enjoyment of a number of Christina Aguilera's songs. While not usually my style, her voice is something surprisingly special what?
Ah ye, the class schedule:
American Government
Abnormal Psychology
Psychology of Stress & Stress Management
Sci-Fi Literature
Nothing is above a 300 level so it ought be an easy return. ^_^
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| Thursday, November 19th, 2009
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10:58 am - *(&%$@!!!
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I have been "asked" to stay on with Aviva until the end of the year.
So not happy.
Listening to NPR and the terrorist trial prep this morning.
Eric Holder seems something like scary what with anger usurping rationality.
While I agree 9/11 was a horrible sick and inexcusable tragedy it is still never Never NEVER okay to pronounce the sentence prior to the hearing.
It's frightening when emotions run so high that political representatives not only holler a guilty until proven innocent slant, but much of the general public seems to support it.
Makes the tum flip a little.
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| Tuesday, November 10th, 2009
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9:23 am - question for you computer peeps - 2nd paragraph
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too busy to consider writing
I have for months been trying to reconcile the graphics between my moderately expansive wide screen at home and my teeny tiny square screen here.
What has resulted is a stretch on one and a pinch on the other.
This is not a big thing.
It amuses me however to see how it affects my photos and makes me wonder how other people see things sometimes.
Suppose that could be carried to the interpretation of the journal overall.
Wow, I am so deep. :p
Also, for anybody who knows about laptops...
I have never used one.
I am considering the purchase of a cheap mini from Dell because I know it'll be compatible with my Dell gaming system.
All I want to do is have it last through a four hour class while taking notes then download everything to the PC once home.
I am guessing a bare minimum with an upgraded 6 cell battery will be sufficient.
If anyone has any recommendations or concerns please let me know.
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8:21 am - hodgepodge
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First, if anyone knows the lyrics to a song with the refrain:
Who crapped in your cornflakes?
Who peed in your tea?
please do share. I have abused all things google and still come up empty.
Second, NaNo is not going well yet still better than I expected.
I have switched plots twice thus definitely will not make 50k for any one of them, but the volume overall is decent.
Also, stopped posting my sprints since no one else seems to be.
Silly reason really but I figure with something like this sharing should be in balance.
Third, this job is the pits.
My life: up at 4:30 -> try to relax for an hour -> work + OT -> make dinner -> go to bed
Eleven days I have left and I am literally counting every one.
So very excited to get outta here. It's gonna be nice!
Until then just about every other aspect of life has been quashed.
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| Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009
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6:11 pm
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I'm in my own little world.
So shit day at the office.
I pretty much confirmed to new management that it's a good idea they're not keeping this assertive bitch around.
3 weeks...
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| Monday, November 2nd, 2009
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5:46 am - h1n1
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I don't know what the rest of the country is doing, but too many around these parts are all a'flutter.
I suspect this illness that has taken me five days to overcome was some version of the flu.
I did not trek to the doc's because, while miserable, it wasn't bad enough to need to know.
Did the good girl thing by staying home however, canceling plans, and sleeping around twenty hours every day.
This is the first morning in about a week that I've felt almost normal, thank the gods.
NaNo was successfully begun though I am slightly behind and it's only day two.
Thankfully with much steam back and ideas bouncing I should be able to catch up today no problem.
My support network is quite a bit better this year too which feels nice.
Time to get back to the world I guess.
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| Saturday, October 31st, 2009
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12:08 pm - overly verbose Springboard 09
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If a painter had chosen this room for a subject he likely would have begun with the character closest to its middle. Here was a lithe gent with stately bearing who stood behind an easel, paint brush clasped between teeth. He gestured grandly, sweeping to and fro, keeping time with music that bounced and echoed off recesses. One hand would dab negligently at canvas when not slicing the air, the other was encumbered by an overlarge palette blotted with a surprising array of colors.
"I am of the belief that we champions of art must embrace its multitudinous forms," he explained around the brush. "The failure to do so denotes a lack of civility of which this world is already in too short supply."
A cage containing a flittering warbler sat on the table between he and his companion. The warbler hopped happily about unmindful that it was being painted with some misplacement into a scene of unhappy chaos. The companion stood frozen inside a strange bubble not far away, his lips drawn back in fear, eyes wide with surprise.
"You do not agree?" continued the gent after a pause. He regarded his guest with bemusement, waiting what he considered an acceptable length for a typical reply.
"Alas there are issues of greater import in this world, I agree. However, I have often wished life were different. The laws of polite etiquette make environs far more pleasant and free the mind to focus on larger issues."
Another pause, he studied his victim with a frown.
"Perchance when you have learned to master your more banal concerns we will have cause to readdress the topic. For now I am unhappy to note that you sir have no class."
Salvator waved his hand, partially releasing time so that it began to progress forward at a creeping rate.
Observing a man vomit in slow motion is both extraordinary and grotesque. But the change of color, the pitching forward, the obvious adjustment of intent had all become aesthetically academic to him at this point. He'd seen similar scenes far too often to be moved, though did feel the slightest amount of regret regarding inevitable cleanup.
When the formerly frozen man had regained use of his faculties he was hunched forward, hands on knees, and gasping at the floor. His eyelids, if it was possible, peeled back farther and he staggered around in terror stammering a, "Wha.. wha.. wha?”
"You will note the sun has set." Salvator said, mindful of the man's confusion. "I have granted your freedom now that I have tooled what in both our hearts we know you deserve." He pointed to the canvas which depicted a massive serpent coiled around the man's body and snapping at his head. The backdrop was of a rather pleasing sunset amidst a sea of forest greens, the warbler perched in a tree mid-song. Salvator's guest failed to notice this instead choosing to shriek uselessly as he, still being a fraction of a second behind, was unable to bolt.
"Yes well," replied Salvator calmly, "in the future perhaps you will reconsider the wisdom of invading a stranger's home."
He nodded and collapsed the bubble completely which allowed the gent to move, or in fact burst toward the door, down the steps, and out into the night.
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| Wednesday, October 28th, 2009
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6:30 pm
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| Friday, October 23rd, 2009
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5:35 pm - and during lunch I found something new to me
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| Tuesday, October 13th, 2009
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5:16 pm - not that anybody else cares but...
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Mmm, yeah so they discovered my dirty little work secret.
See after I learned we were being outsourced for sure I took a magic marker to my security badge and defiled my face.
Then when I was found out (post unfortunate droppage) I promised to have a new pic taken but actually pasted on a faux photo of a doll with a double chin and dubbed her "Chunkbunny Barbie."
And now, following this second discovery I have had to shell out $15 (nearly at gunpoint) for a true replacement picture boasting some sick version of me that was taken by THE JANITOR.
I have 6 weeks left fer chrissake!
You can find this disgusting and totally unflattering thing at the bottom of my pic page if'n you've a hankering to see what I look like +5 years and +25 lbs later.
so awful ^_^
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| Friday, October 9th, 2009
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1:05 pm - work work work
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Also, ain't ego a wonderful thang?
Okay, so I thoroughly thumb my nose at all of the people who make me feel like less of a person.
What prompted this?
My previous post?
An overt blow?
I've been thinking back over the past few months and my mounting struggle with self-esteem as the stress builds.
I've also battled frequent illness and a lack of sleep.
None of this is of course a surprise.
I have six weeks left now.
Six weeks until salvation.
Six weeks until peace of mind.
pit of despair
oubliette de douleur
vaulted insanity
There were weightier thoughts on my mind a moment ago, but the elevator here has tripped a fire alarm and the ringing is so incessant I can barely form a coherent thought.
Funny the little things that crop up to distract one.
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12:58 pm
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Lots of NPR inspired thoughts never make it here.
Nearly all actually.
This morning though...
the Nobel Peace Prize?
really?
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| Thursday, October 8th, 2009
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3:59 pm - feeling fluffy today
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Recent compliments have buzzed of the, "You're cooler than some guys I know," ilk.
See, I like it when a man goes out with his boys once or twice every week and leaves me the hell alone.
I like abandoning the man to sports every Sunday so that I can do MY thing.
I like playing video games.
I like horror movies.
I even enjoy "Big Trouble in Little China" on occasion.
Apparently this makes me a strange and elusive creature round these here parts.
Of course the compliments come from 24 year old puppies, so...
~rolls eyes~
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| Tuesday, October 6th, 2009
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5:12 am
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I believe the only time I am on the net anymore is when I am either:
a) here
b) looking up some piece of trivia
c) researching for work
Seems I’ve come quite far from the youngster who depended upon the newborn www for social interaction and creative outlets.
As I listen to NPR each morning I’ve frequently wondered if there is a certain amount of trade between information and imagination.
Or perhaps it is stress and imagination.
a combination thereof?
Part of me would like to return to my youth when writing came so easily.
Granted I had no perspective, but undoubtedly I’d have finished a story by now.
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| Sunday, October 4th, 2009
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7:28 am
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There's something odd about my older lady constitution.
The needing more sleep thing is understandable.
The wanting to eat before and after to avoid a hangover is likewise.
But the cold and hot flashes, the trembling, and the inability to not talk about how much it sucks, even as I doze off, is all sorta new.
Maybe two years' new I should say, and damn if it doesn't interfere with the occasional fun.
I had three drinks over the course of two hours with some coworkers post weekend work.
Started feeling ill around 10:00.
Forced myself to dance to up the metabolism which helped until I sat down again.
Went home long before midnight and hid under the covers whilst shaking and asking, "why?"
I've had three hours sleep now, finally, no hangover, and am completely awake again.
This is not a tragedy.
This is a mystery.
Up until now I believed it was a bad combo when taken with my hormone meds, but I skipped those.
hmmm...
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| Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009
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7:27 pm
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Getting back into that RP frame of mind once more.
Perhaps it's the weather?
I viewed the most recent X-Men flick this past weekend and since then have been pondering daily a two decades old fascination with Firestar.
I know not why Firestar since I have read almost nothing of her in the comics.
Nearly everything that once fed my fascination came from Spiderman and His Amazing Friends which is foggy in the brain at best.
Boy did I used to love her though.
In relation, I was mucking about some old fiction and stumbled across my old characters Scarlet, Psilence, and Silence - all members of different rpgs.
I wonder if there's a twenty-forty something free form that does not pander to the details of the comics and does not adhere strictly to preestablished relationships or histories.
Something to slake my thirst for awhile.
Doubtful, but I shall start the hunt.
On more personal fiction, I have scrapped nearly all of my bedside jots and gone in a different direction with my revenant romance/adventure.
It's feeling good and right though the clacking is slower than I'd like.
However, the ideas are brewing pretty steadily which is reassuring and I almost want to say things that could jinx my future.
Damn those superstitions and what.
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| Monday, September 21st, 2009
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12:18 pm - I am such a bad liar.
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We have a new temp who's been gently prodding me at the office.
He's a half Hispanic half Native American who's named after a muppet.
Not that this has bearing on anything, I just think that's neat.
Anywho, he's been doing that agreeing with everything I say, wanting to know where I go and what I do, making eyes when I pass by sort of thing.
I've also had a few co-workers point out that he's looking for a relationship out of the blue which leads me to believe he's said something.
Sadly there is absolutely no chemistry and I'm starting to squirm.
Today when he asked me where I'd gotten a Bloody Mary this weekend I froze, lied without thought, and possibly contradicted my story.
Normally I am not a liar and this response surprised the crap out of me.
What am I in high school again?
hmph
Also, I have begun inundating myself with paranormal stories written by female authors to get a more well rounded idea of the genre since that's what I'm writing.
Gotta balance out the Anita and the bad taste her more recent tales have left.
So far I'm surprised to find that about half the time I'm actually enjoying myself.
Apparently not every paranormal adventure out there is egomaniacal smut in disguise.
Who knew?
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| Thursday, September 10th, 2009
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1:47 pm
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Happy September
There're these towels see, and they're sorta wet and sorta soft; they're being twisted around and around, wrung until they are so tight they remain tube shaped once released.
Excepting of course that the towels are my muscles and those muscles are in my back.
I am forced to admit that I am old.
Yes yes, old is at least in part a state of mind.
Today however my mind is on my back and even more particularly the upper part of the bum.
My poor poor bum.
Today I have an old bum.
The writing is going.
I was particularly ADHD this past weekend, literally, and so could not sit still for long.
I have an outline of the first few chapters however which is amazing to me.
I also managed to sit long enough to write a few trials so know what not to do.
Foremost for this weekend?
Take all of the bedside jots and clack them out.
Seriously, have you ever tried sitting still on a crap chair, acting welcoming and professional to noisy and rude people whilst your bum was screaming?
challenge
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| Saturday, August 15th, 2009
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10:41 am
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I love setting up journals.
Finding and/or creating the graphics, color scheme, fonts, customization et al is my sort of thing.
In the past I wondered if this meant I'd be a good designer.
But then of course I realized some people's visions wouldn't jive.
That, and I am so not patient with certain HTML type stuff.
The new romance specific journal called ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) guiltycorner will be used for my smarmy fiction, including the upcoming Labor Day challenge.
I am hiding it there when I post it online at all, one story in full to be worked on while Hubbing.
It shames me a little, but I could really use the money.
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